Discharge, Home, and Hats

We were discharged on Tuesday!  And now it is Monday, so we have made it six days so far without going back to the hospital.  (knock on wood).  It has been quite a transition to do radiation, chemo, and clinic visits out patient.  Taking medicine at home and begging Alanna to start going to sleep at a reasonable hour which we still haven't managed. 

On Tuesday we went to the Santa Monica Pier to play in the sand.  We did not walk the pier (Too many germs).  Although before we left the hospital Alanna got some medicine to boost her white blood cell count which skyrocketed.  So her immune system is actually not bad.  We are still being cautious and washing hands constantly.

On Wednesday and Thursday we went to the LA zoo.  Alanna loves the carousel and the playground.  She also personally met a peacock.  Her favorite this time were all of the big cats. 

On Friday we spent way too long at the hospital.  Outpatient means waiting forever at the doctor's office, waiting for the chemo drug to be ordered from the pharmacy, and watching the clock forever because for the first time in forever we were going home for the weekend.  And waiting was torture.

We did make it out of there in the early afternoon and got home.  Oh my heart!  It was like walking into a time capsule, a life that has only been a memory for 8 weeks.  To run into people while doing other things!  Hugs at weight watchers, church, a friend's house, and to all of you who stopped by to see us.  The love that was shared for those few hours while we were there.  With great love for the wonderful sister who sat by me during sacrament meeting with tissues to dry my tears. I love seeing all of your faces and look forward to getting to stay again someday.

We just put in our moving 30 day notice on our apartment.  Steve is graduating hopefully by the end of this quarter (the graduate department with big kind loving hearts waived his defense for Alanna.)  We will need to store most of our belongings in storage and at Alanna's grandparents house.  Alanna's grandparents are going to set up a room just for her so she still has a place to call home for weekends when she gets to go home (Thank you!).  We will pack up and move out before the end of June.  It is so sad to see this happen.  How I already miss my home but I feel like I have already learned to live with out it.  Amazing what we can do when we have no other choice.

While at home last weekend Alanna's hair fell out.  It has been very difficult for me to watch this process.  Alanna is so strong, "It's okay, It will grow back someday."  At first I was saddened, now there is visual evidence that my baby has cancer.  I can now see her long scar on the back of her head reminding me that she went through a very complex surgery.  The emotions have pulled on my mommy heart so much and started to leave scars.  However, this was the perfect time for me to remember my own life lessons.

". . .I learned that like Alma’s people who were enslaved and their afflictions were great the Lord didn’t immediately take away their trial but he made their burdens light.  “. . . yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” (Mosiah 24:15) When I learned that I could choose to be cheerful during a troubled time my life changed.  My heart became light, much worry and fear evaporated.  As I trust the Lord to take care of what I can’t my burdens truly feel lighter." (March 18, 18)

Too be cheerful even now.  To find joy and light in the hugs and cuddles from my little one to be thankful for the few wisps of hair that she still has.  That she is still with us today and that she has energy to still play.  We have so much to be thankful for.  So much good has happened even now in our circumstances.  I have never been alone.  The prayers and love from my caring friends have held me up.  The Lord and his angels have not let me go once.  My daughter is thriving in the most unimaginable circumstance.  We will be okay.